Saturday, February 28, 2009

reconhendo o inevitavel



R
egistrando momentos...


como o tempo passa... e nem nos damos conta. pois e. ja e 28th february e eu aqui na irlanda, acompanhando pelo orkut todos que passaram na minha vida. alguns se fazem presentes mais que outros e outros nem pensam mais. a verdade e que se vc nao esta do lado deles, eles nao lembram de ti.

sabe aquele momento em que vc acorda e o sol esta brilhando, seu mobile nao para de tocar, por diversas razoes - de um convite a praia ao mais informal jantar na casa dos amigos, e as vezes amaldicoa a tecnologia? pois bem, nao reclame. o meu sol contina a brilhar mas ningem esta ao meu lado...somente Ele.

nesse tempo de mudanca, aprendi as duras penas, que vc deve aproveitar todos os contatos que passarem por vc. dos mais chatos aos mais interessantes, passando por aqueles que vc menos espera ate aqueles que vc espera e da errado. ate mesmo porque quando vc e sozinho, corre de um lado p/ o outro e chega em casa, e nao tem nenhuma voz p/ vc ouvir e mesmo que seja reclamacoes de um dia corrido, vc sentira falta. e ai e que mora o perigo se vc nao tiver a cabeca no lugar.

nao esta sendo facil... nao esta sendo facil mesmo ver meus queridos da faculdade formarem familia e seguirem com seus projetos de vida e profissionais; meus amigos de bairro com criancas, cachorros e etc levando suas vidas da mais simples forma imaginavel e eu, mesmo aproveitando como da, mas sem me realizar profissional esqueca o emocional nao acho que estou indo a lugar nenhum.

na verdade sinto um pouco de inveja daqueles que lutam, p/ fazerem acontecer. sinto que as vezes fiquei burro e me acovardei diante das dificuldades que a vida impos e das escolhas certas ou erradas que fiz. nao sinto minhas escolhas me levarem a lugar algum... (??)

sinto que as vezes as pessoas so falam comigo procurando algo que elas possam tirar proveito.. e como estou abaixo do fundo do poco, nao tem mais ninguem me paparicando, procurando ou telefonando...so querendo me F6>£!~!

afirmo que minha vida esta sendo cheia de emocoes mas quase sempre em duos. pucos me viram crescer, cair e me levantar. dos que participaram destes momentos e que esperava mais. esperava mais de pessoas que juraram fidelidade. sim, amizade e fazer um esforco a mais e se manter presente na vida do outro, em suma, fidelidade. se eu encontro tempo p/ eles porque eles nao econtrar tempo p/ mim e a pergunta que mais me doi, e doi especialmente em momentos como estes eu continuo evitando! quanto aos novos agregados, nao espero muito deles, ja que nao me conhecem e nao sabem de mim, dos meus dramas, insegurancas e do que me faz feliz, mas so pelo fato deles estarem ao lado ja significa muito p/ mim.

eu nao acho que eu seja uma pessoa ma. tb nao me considero interesseiro. menos ainda do tipo vampiro que suga tudo do outro, sai-se fortalecido e ainda por cima da uma estocada nas costas do outro. e olha que cansei de ver gente assim se dando financeiramente bem na vida. de resto nao posso falar porque nao sei...e ao contrario do que dizem por ai, eu sou uma pessoa estremamente flexivel e reliable. isso, chega de colocar culpa nas minhas expressoes. elas dizem o que vcs nao querem ver ou ouvir, mas e vcs? se mostram realmente ou fogem daqueles que confrontam inseguranca, medos e panicos? eu enfrento e sem medo levo vida e procuro por reais amizades.

amizade... amizade e algo que nos ensinam que sem ela, nao andamos p/ frente. que sem elasm nao somos ninguem. entao e verdade. nao estou seguindo adiante e nao me sinto alguem. de uns tempos p/ ca estou pensando no fim de minha vida. como sera? tenho medo da resposta. mas nao posso deixar de reconhecer que nao tenho medo da morte, mas sim em saber que se eu for, quantos estarao ao lado do meu caixao?  quantos se lembrarao de mim. e atualmente, pleo meu circulo de amizades que nao para de diminuir, acho que ninguem... como nao fiz familia e a minha e pequena, pai, mae e eu, fica ainda mais complicado de admitir que talvez ninguem esteja mesmo a volta...

mas mesmo assim nao desisto e sigo em frente levando a vida que da p/ levar e tentando, me esforcando p/ manter mesmo aqueles que me viraram as costas na minha lista de vida! e complicado quando dois nao querem, mas como fica quando vc continua tentando e o outro nao reconhece? vc deixa de lado? o que fazer?


e isso. descobri o que estou fazendo aqui. nao na irlanda, mas em vida. estou procurando aquele que nao saira do meu lado, mesmo quando estamos com raiva um outro e ainda, segurara minha mao p/ que eu nao sinto tao triste quando eu deixar este plane. eu, mais que realizado estarei em fazer o mesmo p/ minha outra metade. isso sim e amizade e amor.

eis uma reflexao... quantos estarao ao seu lado quando vc sair deste plano?



ps.: i am a happy dreamer and i do believe in love! i believe love can change the world. not the entire world, but your world, my world, our next one world. and if we are engaged in this project, this can be very satisfying @ the end of the road. 8 )

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What do the gays want?



A quickly look around and you can’t deny the fact that gays are all around. They can be your manager, your friends, friends of your partners, your uncle or ant, and if luck enough can be your best friend.

Gay friends are well known for their loyalty and compromising towards its friend; family is in some cases an issue but if the gays have this issue sorted, their families will have a ball and the best moments in their Sunday lunch reunion.

However, as I am pointing out in so many moments, gay friends in their own environment such as clubs, bares, pubs, saunas whatever changes at all. And now with the Internet dictating how we are behaving those technological days, figures out who is friend and who is looking for quick shag is now easier and painful than never.

A quick search in one of the main mix-match websites in the UK and Ireland, serving in ten different languages can be fun and a pain in the whole.

It is fun because we are wittier, funnier, outgoing and ever audacious than ever using our nicknames, such as TOPWIZARD, DIRTYSPIK or FIGHTDECK. And if you apply just curiosity you’ll find even more funny ones according to your taste.

The problem becomes pain in how we describe the search for the other half, even for a quick one or more complex still, to find prince charming. Check these “hottest” comments found online;
  1. Seems the less u put here the better. wanna know anything just ask.. ;())
  2. Things i look for ; Positivity, openess, caring, sexual, sensual, independence, intelligence, honesty, integrity, down to earthness and above all a conscience. Love confidence, hate arrogance, if u love yourself move on, you've already met the best person in ur life so.. piss off.. ;)
  3. Please do not start messages with how r u (Im doing always well!), or what r u looking for, or just hi! Try to say something more ;) I will appreciate it
  4. dub guy lookin for guys for fun friendship
  5. young, hung and full of cum... waiting to get loose! ;)
  6. Looking for Mr Right
  7. Partial to hairy men and great asses. Always looking for sleazy action, indoor or out
  8. not into THE Prince Charming but would love to meet charming princes....
  9. If you excessively pluck your eyebrows, ie. at all, then please do not write to me until you have grown them back and realised the error of your ways.
Courtesy these days is a rare quality. In this faster society, we just want to know when and how we are going to get laid and sooner the better. Size those days is an obsession. Most of my interviewers are complaining that the new kids as a more obsessed with dick size as the old crowd. There is nothing new in 2009 years of evolution.

They also mention that internet has categorised everything. Although they don’t complain that their searches has become more efficient and faster. “Well, with all the harm that it’s brings, some compensation also has to come on the way”, says one by a chat-room.

This fixation over categories is not new. However online, has taken a whole new dimension. Check some of the categories that you’ll find - black porn big dick cock
jackoff gay fuck cumbreast ebony girl mixed tiddys cun moaningstraight interracial latino orgy fuckin load rawanal blow hardcore job suck big dick blowjob and the list goes on and on…

Also in vogue is the lack of human contact. Please, let’s not be innocent in here. We are all adults! We are not mentioning the body contact but human interaction. Due the internet, we also became more mechanical and less and less friendly. We are now more direct and more impatient. “Silly” questions such “how are you”, are less in vogue, losing room for questions such as “how big is your dick”, “where are you based”, “can you accommodate/travel?” or “are you ready to have shag” are more important.




As we escape behind the PC scream we ended up loosing the human skills to hold a conversation when not online. In the end, we are becoming more singles, alone and desperate for companionship that doesn’t revolve partnerships. That’s a big question mark for us to solve… all I need and all I don’t.

And a higher demand for body and image, before, masked by the warm and “friendly” social network that you had to build to gain access into the pink world, suddenly got on the way hand to hand with the internet.

Such advance in technology also put more porn on the table. Porn stars were the dream men to be in bed at least in my days, oh dear Jeff Palmer, and I am not so old anyway. Nowadays you can have your own porn star body since you are logged in one of those sites. Guys are now spending a huge amount of time pumping their bodies on the gym, searching for perfection in a bid to avoid talking and increase admiration when shaking in the dance floor or even placing their pictures in their Bebo, Orkut, Facebook, you name it, profiles.

In the society where you have to make one million dollar before 25 years old, to fit in, you also have to be perfect; perfect smile, body, dick, hair. Never mind kindness and be polite to the waiters. You have to have the right labels and the right jobs and most important of all, The best picture of your tummy, legs, arms, dick and ass to impress your next laid. Sometimes I fell like in a butcher shopping.

When did we all lose our masks and souls?


®

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I still believe!!

So nice!


Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
To be a team with me
So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I´d find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me
Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who´s ready to
Give love a start with me
Oh yes, that would be so nice
I could see you and me, that would be nice
Oh, yes, that would be so nice
Should it be, give it me, I can see, that would be nice

Monday, February 23, 2009

............

“Como tinham varios pensamentos na minha mente que nao foram mencionados ate o momento certo, acho que valeu e muito a pena esperar a hora certa p/ coloca-los na mesa. Tinham varios pontos perdidos a serem atados, muitos desentendimentos a serem esclarecidos e muito o que ouvir. Prepare o ouvido, risos...”

Pois bem, quando cheguei em meu resort no sabado ja tarde, acerca das 10.30pm, ele ja estava na rodoviaria me esperando. Fiquei meio assim, pois ja tinham acontecidos algumas coisas durante a semana devida a pressao que ambos estamos sofrendo... ele no profissional e eu procurando o meu, novamente, aqui em Dublin. Mais, ambos quebrados e frustrados, nao sabemos como lidar um com o outro quando falta grana ate p/ comprar cigarros o que dizer, de comida e outros luxures... “Nao esta muito facil mas vamos levando. E se passarmos por esta fase, tenho certeza que faremos um bom par.”
E mais... uma “explosao” aconteceu no sabado que nem eu sei bem como falar...

Entao, colocando em pratica uma nova atitude fiquei quieto todo o percurso. Ja na casa dele, falamos pouco, assistimos Almodovar, “otimo como sempre” e fomos p/ a cama, mas nada de carnaval por aqui... risos...”Estou de greve!”

No domingo, acordamos, um rapido cafe da manha, e eu achei estranho que mesmo sem entender meu humor matinal, ele achava graca, dava risadas e quando eu perguntava se tinha entendido, via que nao na face dele, mas tambem, percebi que “ele esta fazendo o dele p/ minimizar o estrago da falta de comunicacao durante a semana. Muito bem seu moco. Assim farei melhor minha parte”.
Pelas 3 da tarde comecamos a assistir Bourne Ultimate but nao rolou porque ele mencionou que tinhamos que fazer alguma coisa...


weekend on review!

review in photos!! that is part 1...

Voltamos e capotei no sofa... nao aguentei de tao cansado. Quando acordei p/ chama-lo, dinner estava na mesa. Me disse que tinha ido ao shopping, pegado algumas coisas p/ cozinhar e era hora de comer. Depois, ficamos na sala vendo tv e... suspense...

Toquei no assunto, conversamos ate que rapido. Nada mais de drama e o que tinha que ser falado ja foi dito... “Nada de show, nada de drama? Estou me surpreendendo. Otimo”. Entendi o lado dele e ele o meu. “Pronto, straighfoward”. Nao queremos abrir mao um do outro! “Somos em parte similares e e um pouco complicado desde que somos ambos imperativos... mas no lado bom da coisa. Nao como antes... nao mais mesmo... Eu sei como foi mal. Mas aprenderemos se quisermos fazer acontecer”
Cama!

photoshop testing



como ja e carnaval e a semana ja acabou por ai, mas aqui ainda tem muita agua p/ rolar, estou treinando meus skills no photoshop ...

resultado dos primeiros dois meses fotografando, muito esta cidade que eu amo de paixao... algumas fotos ja foram postadas no fotolog ou aqui mesmo... mas p/ dar vazao a minha criatividade, resolvi reaproveita-las..

buscando a perfeicao de magazine p/ meus posts! conseguirei? espero que sim! risos....




Sunday, February 22, 2009

carnaval

Essa semana ja foi...
por que....


just for the record, tirei isso de um orkut! nao vale processar porque a foi mencionado de onde foi retirado, caso seja imagem registrada!

aproveitem mesmo nacao!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

carnival... not in here...


nao aqui mas aproveitando como da!

. . .


"
...

From today I am emotionally letting you go. I had to do it, I had to write those lines so I can breed again. So I can face somebody else’s love without fear of you hunting me. The fear of those bad moments that we’ve together won’t come again.

You need to know that when you compromise even when you are not in mood, you are also being part of a relationship. All that time, if you did compromise, I counted a full hand. Most of the time, I was alone looking for you...or down walking the luas line alone…

The next time for your next relationship, bear in mind that when the other half compromises around you, your needs, your wishes and your fears, the other one is losing himself so you can shine away. When the other one is loosing itself, there is no good or bad no more and everything seem to be one big sheet. So many times I felt wrapped in my silence, not vocalising my fears afraid to create more drama. I ended up drinking my fears and creating more damage for me and for you…but nobody will change my perception that I am the one who lost the most…

As winter draws to an end, days like this come and go, and I still remember all those broken promises, I am still in a healing process, picking up the pieces that I left around. But I’ll recover, pay the entire onus that I own you and look at you in a better way! And when you see me again, I will be so much better, so beautiful and have my confidence back…I wish you from the bottom of my heart, all the happiness in the world. And try to make your next choice, happier than I ever was while with you. don’t buy then things, spend time with then, not just in the pub but out there too. Face your fears and help your heart to be a better place too…

Kind regards,










Nb.: this letter one day will be in my book. And you already know that. That’s why it has no names or places. But we know when, who, where has lived this relationship. "

Thursday, February 19, 2009

farewell letter day!


I feel the snow
On my eyes
It touches me
Deep inside
And now I'm here
So high
A cloud
Up in the sky
And this has got me thinking
It's all because of you
My heart is dark
And my mouth so dry
Where were you
All this time?
My love is yours
You know
Every song I sing
Belongs to you
And as days like these
Come and go
I still remember
It's true
And this has got me thinking
It's all because of you
The night is dark and the moon so high
Where were you
All this time?


bebel gilberto, winter


Hora da virada!



Pode ir se preparando, se arrumando 
que agora eu quero mesmo te desarrumar
Pode ir  me aguardando eu to chegando
E to com tudo pronto pra te incendiar
O amor ta me seguindo, me botando na parede
E agora não tem jeito eu vou acelerar
Eu vou chegar com tudo, vou te pegar de jeito
Você não vai ter tempo nem pra respirar
 
Mas eu não vou te esperar, se você não resolver
Se tem medo de me acompanhar
Pode deixar, eu me mando sem você
 
Eu já gritei, eu me arrisquei, 
Eu me queimei, eu fiz de tudo
Eu me pus no seu lugar, 
E se você não responder não fico mais nenhum segundo
Nada vai me segurar
 
Não vai ficar marcando passo,
Me diz agora se você vem comigo ou se vai ficar
Eu já to largando tudo caindo fora
Nada mais me prende aqui nesse lugar
To mudando o meu destino
Joguei fora o que não presta
Agora eu quero mesmo eu vou enlouquecer
É hora da virada partir pro tudo ou nada
Eu não to com nem um  tempo pra perder
Mas eu não ........
Eu já tentei..........

 

Hora da virada, Ana Carolina

 

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

learning! it does take time...


How funny can we be around the learning process?

Since 2004 I have decided to hit my big dream, living abroad, I never in my wildest dreams could ever imagine how hard you’d be to survive like that. Since early stage, life hasn’t been so easy and I didn’t help either…

Friends were left behind in a journey to make more around the world. And in fact things didn’t happen like that… when you are young and fresh in a city that is in fast constantly changing, you feel like you’ll never die. Things are coming on your way. Sometimes good and most of the time bad, but your youth keeps you going like there was no tomorrow.

The bad ones can be mentioned as a one bad night standing; one bad conversation in a bar or maybe just a misunderstood when trying to order a Chinese take-out over the phone, when you have broken English or ever a speech impediment. As in life, everything has its own hierarchy and from bad to worse you can go like a fast drink down your throat in a packed, smelly, dance floor.

When you started to wake up next day with people that you barely remember in your bed and the outside door is open, it might be a signal that things went not so well the night before; or when you are fully aware what you’re doing but for one instance, your mobile phone is gone and you could swear that you had it all night long. From there you might reconsider what was wrong. Your choices, probably.

And so on, you start to get later, smelly and on the same clothes from last night in the job that, for good or not, is paying the bills… and the last thing that you want to hear is your manager asking you for performances…

Well, put it all in a mixer and, your flatmates are drinking the rent that they suppose to pay behind your back; you timekeeping is in a constantly hot spot and you’re actually fed up to be doing a job that you hate but you have no courage to change your life! You start attach relationship and money in one single place and nothing is like it was before. Now you fear the dead line to pay bills, how much you spent last night and how could you ended up in that after party with that crowd.

In a small scene, with just about 2clubs, a couple few bars and one sauna, no longer are you the fresh one and suddenly, you’ll find yourself competing to kids way less experienced than you but, way more fearless, younger, stronger and sillies. In a town that holds it clubs as if we were all in the last century still, there is no place to go. And so on, big mistakes are starting to be noticed. Your boyfriend is jealous and possessive; your alcohol consumptions is reaching levels like a stock market back in 2003 and your job is giving a written warning about your timekeeping. And not happy enough, you say to then to place the job whatever they find better!

Now, the picture is complete. You are jobless, debt full and with marks on your arm from the last night fight with your boyfriend. What to do? You call your friends and explain the situation. You ring one or two but you know, people are working and they will probably meet you next Friday in the clubs. But because you’re drinking as much as a Russian in a really bad winter, you find out that you pulled a huge show last week in one of the clubs and now, bared you are and can’t meet your so called friends.

You still try contact by test messages, facebook, orkut, bebo, missed calls but for no apparently reason they are all unavailable for you. Is this end? You look back at the scene and how ingenuous were you all worried hooking up the new couple in town; or how stupid were you working as a free PR to those clubs when foreign guys would come to you around town and ask you about the hottest place to party?

Or ever better; why did you pay so many drinks to your best pall that now, when you are completely lifeless, out of the scene, hangs with a crowd where you were never welcomed when you were in the scene.

Now, your thoughts race like racing horses in Derby. More, your conscience, now alcohol free pose the hard and not so easy question to answer: for how long were you hanging out with the wrong folks?

My dearest single reader, that’s the answer that life gave me. You didn’t spend time with the wrong folks if when your mistakes were done, at least one of then were beside you, listening and making things easier to understand. However, if the case is lets go to the bar, and you were paying the bill, I am truly sorry, you will have to walk away from then, find yourself really bad, broke, alone and single again. So on, you can pick up the pieces that you have left, put it all together and grow. Believe me, in so many moments you will feel like you can’t do that by yourself, but you’ll manage it.

You will grow stronger, independent and better. Do not ever think in throw yourself in front the Luas. The only thing that you will do is be front page for one day in one of those rag classless tabloids, delay angry commuters and spend more money from the State that is already broken.

Only yourself can answer you very own doubts. My ones went from jobless to several heart breaks; from one night stand in Amsterdam to violent trip in Prague with possessive ex-boyfriend; and, from two handfuls, scene gay friends, to no one now. From being hungry, while everyone was offering drinks on the streets we met when the only thing that I was looking for was some food… And do you know what? Is better being alone when your friends can only offer you drink or drugs!

How much do you care for the others learning process situation?

Monday, February 16, 2009

funny monday!

Reality hits us all!

My day started really early. Like, last night I could sleep properly. Anxiety was killing me!
We got on the train, departed in Dublin and around 9am I was doing my bed… the entire room has a great smell! .*)

So did my uploading in my sites. I never have been so nervous for a job that I still don’t know if I’ll get it! I did prepared way before and lashed the road. But when I got there, interview will be tomorrow. I forgot to check the day! Attention to detail let me down! Oops…

So, I walked back thinking a lot of things. My mind is like a hurricane and it keep growing in worries, bills, money and provide to myself. One thing that doesn’t get off my head was the stuff that I hear this weekend.

“I should be able to take you way to do stuffs. Take you to places, spoils you, mind you”. oh, how sweet. My answer back was:
“I should be able to provide to myself”.

Nothing better to clear mind than, a little shopping spree. Well, quite. Since the credit crunch has bitten us badly, now the new Brown Thomas is Bernados, Oxfan and so on. Nowadays we exchange brand for just good without considering if it is a high up brand, and more than ever, we carry on our friendly-environment plastic bags. Are we more concern about the Environment? Not really. Concerned over .22c per bag!

Today after surprisingly one year fasting for silly shopping, like handbags, shoes, shirts, and diamonds and so on, I went to one of the new deals in town. “The only that I did in 2008 was food and alcohol… oops”. *(

Oh god, shopping is really a great treat! I got a “new” jacket for €10, however it was quite small. I couldn’t think in wave or turn around to check the boy's bums, even less bread... Damn it.
Photo

So, I got home, got changed and went back to the off the rack search. And I did get a “new” jacket. Left the scene kind noticed, because the ladies behind the counter are already my friends and with then, I learnt that Friday is the best day for bargains because;

  1. they do have new clothing;

  2. they do have all sizes, including the smallest one; which I fit just great;

  3. lately since credit is short, no more large donations and some stores are also feeling being bite;

  4. some of the new riches are all around donating one piece and buying 3 more;

  5. some LP, CDs are hitting the top sellers;

  6. house appliances are also doing well – cups, cutlery from the 70’s, Victorian tea pots, is all back and trend…

The negative point of view is that when you leave the store, you desperately need a good shower to dust off the smell and dust! And do not attempt to show off the new clothes without a good washing… that’s all!
It is so funny because, for a while, we in Ireland were living the dream, shopping and spending like there was no tomorrow. We were going mad on booze, after parties, shopping the high end, living larger.

For some of us, our world had crashed for decisions and situations but way before. Now, we are all feeling the down side of an economy that was also living larger than ever; a vicious economy that blew its life with no bounders. At this moment, we can easily see empty restaurants, and empty home cooking pizzas in the supermarket sections; we can see more and more people in Aldi and Lidl. M&S now is even making sales and around town, unthinkable 70%sales is the new deal. For dull times like theses, Off-licenses are cashing in great with a booming of house partying. But still, consumer spender is lower than ever!

Just a fresh hint for the papers from today!

It says the labour market is now deteriorating at an unprecedented rate and that unemployment this year is likely to exceed Government estimates and hit 12.6 per cent by the end of the year. Goodbody had previously forecast a 4.2 per cent decline in GDP.
This loss of jobs is expected to contribute to a decline of 7 per cent in consumer spending this year, according to the report
”. And the report goes on and on!
Source: http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2009/0216/breaking31.htm


It is really scaring, even more because I am living as an immigrant and we can measure it up how bad everything is been handled. Prove of that is a sharp downfall in numbers in English schools around Dublin. Previously, some of then, would be running 2 or 3 buildings, packed with students, now, most of then are running business in one building and lesser students.

For instance, queues in immigration to collect visas, re-entry visas and stamp 4 visas (work permit) would delay your day in hours, back in 2005, 2006, 2007 when so many Brazilians, Mauritians and Chinese – biggest immigrant groups in the country from the outside EU that do the registration when arrives in Ireland.

Now, 2009, the process is taking no longer than 20 minutes and thanks to a growing international disbelief in the Irish economy.

The Immigration Bureau down the Quays also reflects the state of a broken economy. In 2004, 180 asylums seek got their documents. In 2007, the number was around 165. In 2008, the figure has plunged to astonish 79 seekers getting their document.

And so on, February have yet to see changes coming from the top, because as usual, the base of the power is doing its duty. Scandals, bad and secret loans, misuse of government seats and cutting tax are no longer affective. Neither for irish people nor for the immigrants that are here to stay and not just make money.

Not all of us are feeling the modern times:

2 cappuccinos, 1 tea, 1 lemon and a Vitoria sponge cakes, in a trend Tokyo café= 70£. Some of us still spread the cash, and largely.

Another one! This winter, Hollywood give to us the ice in the cake: Confessions of a shopaholic is out in cinemas this Friday! What? Are you fucking kidding your tarts? It must be a joke! One of the lines of the dialogue:

“ - $1.500 in underpants?”
“Every human being deserves. Is a basic need”, reply the blonde, stupid cunt.

No better time to live larger like those days!

Just one more. Tom Ford has lanched a new pair of male jeans! Basic worth €496 because the log in the piece is in pure 18k of gold! Who is buying this? A Russian prostitute?

I am gone.


the outcoming


"for a man, nothing is more uplifting than the company of a beautiful, intelligent woman. Let me speak personally. The woman in my life makes me a better, more confident man of me than I could be without her. I am proud of her, and want her approval above all else. After 6m years of evolution, I feel and behave just as the textbooks say I should. I sit or walk in her right, leaving my sword arm free to protect her. In the streets I place myself between her and the traffic. I hold open doors. I bring her cups of tea, carry the bags and attend to masculine tasks such as emptying the dustbins.

Even thou she cold manage without me (far better than I could without her), I still need to feel indispensable, or at the very least useful. I take my turn at the stone and the sink, and come over all alpha male when it comes to roasting and carving my trophies from the butcher shopping.

What I have been describing is “marriage” and “the family” – two institutions …

Evolutionary psychologists convincingly explain the urge to find a long-term mate, but the specifics of individual choices – why we choose one partner over another – remain harder to crystallise. Physical attraction and lust are the driving forces over the firs few days and nights, but after that there are myriad reasons why intimate acquaintance will either cement a relationship or blow it apart.”

Extract from Greed by Richard Girling, published on March 26 by Doubleday.




And the text goes on and on…  

The importance if this text is, even I am a gay guy, who has so many one night stands or a few partners already in bed and in my heart, I am feeling the urge to live exactly what our straight friend has mentioned lines above. And If I open my heart; not be afraid to speak off; work hard to recognise the good around, I might had just got what I am searching for it since I got in this land! LOVE, it is out there if you know when it comes to you.

“Open your heart” and let be… let it be hurt because if you don’t know the pain, you probably won’t be able to feel the greatest feeling that you can feel…the chance to be loved and be wanted…

I might not be as afraid as I was before to open it up! Actually you just got inside like a hurricane and changed my perspective of mates; changed my views of letting things happen, give its time. You’re responsible backing me up in the front to believe in other souls and taking me out this savage, selfish, fake, judgmental, sad, frustrating and shallow gay market that I was also in it… with no regrets we found one another! And my competition is UP higher and there still… (Private comment)!

Thank you Ciaran for let me know that you’re also searching for the same feelings! Thank you for been on my side in this turbulent moment. Thank you for believe in me!

That was my Valentine’s Day!





Photo from the surprisingly beautiful, not expected at all, flowers on Friday evening.













Saturday, February 14, 2009

The weekend!

the weekend

The best is to come. I can feel it. I managed to get an interview for Monday... so now is rest and enjoy the best of my man. Yes, I also got myself a new beau...He is amazing... I'm falling for him big time.
Now I am, again, in Clodgherhead, watching the rugby Six Nations while he is out buying some food for our Valentine’s Day.
Actually I didn't understand him for the entire week. He fall sick, was moody and me, didn’t get much of the action. And I didn’t show my emotions for the whole week. We weren’t in a good patch. We did have a lot of misunderstood and quite hid and seek moments.

Respective:
Last night, Friday 13th, around 8.34pm he showed off in my place. Well, he just arrived at night surprising me with a bunch of flowers. “Oh, baby, you shouldn’t have”! I really felt loved at that moment. It was so ethereal.
We got some more booze, had a lovely long chat and suddenly we said. And from now on I am out the market. I am so glad that we did talk, cleared the bad vibes and are in this together!
]
Saturday evening, fed, showed in good terms as we will be from now on, because I know that if I am straight forward, speak my mind without fear, we will also avoid a lot of drama; the last thing that we want is drama. Amy Winehouse just sang for us in our valentine’s dinner. That I cooked, with pleasure must ad!

The is one thing that has changed in my past relationship and I’ll have to work it a lot from now on... show my true feelings without been a coward.

And I have no reason to be jealous because he chose me! But, is hard enough to know that before me, another star made his bed where I am dong mine now. It ‘s so confusing and scaring. It makes me feel insecure although i am not that type of guy. But a bad story has changed all of that! Now, is work for better!

Apparently is the Irish TV award today. Some competition is on tonight!

Photos will be uploaded tomorrow.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

t U R bulenCe



Se ate eles chegam a algum lugar, eu tb tenho que chegar!

Bom, algumas vezes voce faz coisas que nem se da conta que esta fazendo. Hoje acordei com ele me textando como se eu estivesse sendo um empencilho na vida dele. Fiquei muito triste mesmo. Nem sei como consegui sair da cama. Alias, sei, tinha compromisso as 10.30 e nem dinheiro tinha p/ a fare.

Cheguei antes do horario e estava tudo tranquilo. Estava em fato triste. Qaundo deu umas 14.35 dei uma message e fiquei n vacuo... que feeling! "Posso parecer ser forte mas as vezes eu quero mesmo e colo. Ser amado e nao julgado, ate por que nao julgo mas amo muito e se o faco e porque me importo".  Ficamos no office ate as 15h25 quando ela foi comigo ao banco p/ me dar uma particula do meu adiantamento. Andei de Clontarf Park ate uma das pontes, ouvindo meu Rihana e derepente alguem me aborda...

Era o Mark, comapanheiro da scene que ha tempos nao o via. "Como nao vou mais, fica cada vez mais dificil ver todo mundo. Ninguem se lembra de mim e sozinho vou ficando". Andamos ate a O'Connell st AIB Parnell Sq. Dali rumamos p/ o “Out of house – gay comunidade ”. Ele ia tomar cha das tarde com os amigos e eu coletando mais free condons! "Importante e nao compromise se estamos falandode AIDS”.

E na saida, a mais bizarra situacao aconteceu! Eu dei de cara com Neil.

O sueco que eu fiquei ha anos. Ele foi o meu segundo e com ele apredin a gostar de ABBA, claro; tive meus momentos que fiqeui depre... com ele nunca faltavam bebidas, festas e diversoes. Com ele tambem descobir umas coisas que ate entao nunca senti... Descobri que poderia as vezes nao cooperar na cama... risos...Sempre a Suecia e o melhor lugar do mundo p/ ele. E ele mudou meu estilo de fashion p/ sempre. Fiquei mais vaidoso e passei a dar valores a outras coisas! Bem, o drama tambem se fez presente mas de forma completamente diferente...

E justamente hoje, nao me sentindo no meu melhor shape, dou de cara com ele na Capel St. Novamente, eu andando de cara p/ cima, pensando e nada. Alias, pensando em tudo. Tudo de errado... Wow... e eu que estava sentindo tao estranho. E de certa forma eu acabei me sentindo bem porque ele me reportou algumas coisas que eu ja sabia mas de certa forma, com ele reforcando os comentarios nao me senti tao mal. E incirvel como as coisas estao mudads em apenas um ano em Dublin. E p/ pior... Prostitutos, brazucas se passando por gays e sugando tudo e todos ao seus redores e o pior, queimando o filme daqueles que nao sao assim, estao a procura de algo serio e nao querem serem julgados como nast financial cows!

E de volta p/ casa, caminhando, nao me sentindo tao bem ainda; tentei desconectar a merda do hard-driver que nao quer mais desconectar, eu quase joguei tudo p/ cima. E tao dificil. Nao quero mais ficar sozinho. So quero dizer quanto eu preciso de alguem p/ voltar p/ casa e cuidar.

Quando o telefone tocou fiquei com raiva. E porque nao? So ouvi as explicacoes. Ele nao estava muito feliz! So mais agitado porque ele ouviu uma proposta de carreira e eu desabei do outro lado do phone. Nao estou nem trabalhando e logo reconheci que tem gente de olho no bom, trabalho dele, enquanto eu, nao tenho nem sequer um emprego que pague minhas contas! “Quao incompativel nos somos?” Tudo isso florece em minha cabeca e nao sao bons sentimentos.

Assisti um boost to my confidence movie and depois besteiras como SATC and the news. O ponto aqui e que nao quero ficar sozinho, encontrei alguem com quem posso fazer coisas juntos apesar de termos tastes diferentes and na verdade, se fosse o caso de nos darmos bem juntos, seriamos felizes... aposto que ele vera isso tambem. Vou batalhar, como ja faco enquanto escrevo este blog, mando cvs p/ jobs and assim voltar a vida! Tenho que voltar. Nao posso namorar se nao posso dividir as contas!

Don’t stop believe...

 

Noticias:

Michelle Barak Obama e a capa de USA Vogue;

Joãosinho Trinta ganha no Rio lançamento do livro "O Brasil é um Luxo - Trinta Carnavais de Joãosinho Trinta", de Fábio Gomes, com design gráfico de Stella Villares nesta semana;

 

 

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

full moon

full moon outside
  • Brazil 2X0 Italy;
  • Obama succeed in approve his U$850bil plan to rescue USA economy; but his fellow workers in his new ministerial White House are giving him headaches due inappropriate paying tax behavior;
  • Angelina Jolie doesn't seem to feel the credit crunch. She forgot her earrings U$2mil in a Bristish hotel;
  • RBS of Scotland is axing 2.300 posts throughout the corporation;
  • More deaths in suspicious OZ blaze; around 180 deaths and something like 1000 missing people; authorities are treating the incident as criminal and the hunting to caught the responsible has been lunched in the entire country. Even rewards has been offered;
  • While 3000 people dies from cholera in Zimbabwe, president Mugabbi eats caviar;

Good and not so good 1s!
  1. Credit Crunch outside the pitch: British WAG's are feeling the credit crunch. One of then are now buying nail vanish as little as £2; but one source mentioned that they'll keep u with their fake tans, £145 a half hour session, hair extensions £345 depending on the length in a high profile hairdresser and something around £55 ten fake nails. A lot of consideration for the fellow footballers fan struggling to buy their tickets from £75 to £ 125 depending if is Manchester, Chelsea or other high profile British football team;
  2. Playing with fire: An awkward PR stunt has been lunched to promote a release of a DVD. The campaign for The Wackness, movie staring sir Ben Kingsley, is giving away a golden ticket. If you find the ticket you could be heading with a partner to enjoy a bag of skunk in Amsterdam. Some voices complained that the PR stunt is unacceptable and the producers defended the Stunt saying that nothing better to deal with the global financial crises than heading off to have some splifts in the beautiful Holland's capital. The Plot of the dvd is about a troubled teenager dealer that sells cannabis to keep up with his therapy with expansive psychiatric in south London.
  3. The beauty and the beast: Chris Brown is in trouble after bruised and slitted his girlfriend face and lips, also singer Rihana. He loses his campaign contract with chewing gun company Wrigley. The company's says that the alleged assaulter singer should be afforded in the same due process as any citizen. Sunday evening he handled himself to a LA police station that charged the aggressor on domestic violence felony battery in U$ 50.000. Both nominated for the Grammy called of the duo performance a last minute. This case promises more water under the bridge. Since both are big stars and a new voices to the new R&B/Hip Hop campaing to change North-American view towards how they perceive the movement.

I spent my day sending cv's by emails. Depressed. And he didn't give much attention. I know is too later but I do miss him already. So this evening I messaged him and got no reply...
Something is going on and I don't know what it is!
Well, thank you for coming and by!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

special friday!


things will work out!

i met this...    
i liked...
and so on, he became
a friend that seeing now...




glad that is working well, i think!
we met today in the market arcade in george st. some starters, beer, some arguments about future.. he was complaining about the service, food and gave to the place 2* for decoration and design...

so we went to Shelbourne hotel... well, if u dont know, i won't tell u! is the cream of the cream according to him and i already knew it! shhhhh...
is the life that if i can aford, i'll have it! and so my man!

    
photo from Shelbourne hotel




photo taken in Clogherhead, co Louth, ireland
but, updated today... cos he is here, now in my home...10.45pm of a snowing Dublin...listening girl of ipanema... perfect.. 

but we misunderstood one another and the night went awkward .. not a nice feeling, but we are both in same mindset so, we already patch things fine!


Rathmines,
dublin, Ireland
winter 09